Oldest Son

My oldest son who is 14 years old knows that his Dad had an affair. He found out on Dday2. (I don’t believe he knows about Dday3 &4 though). I thought my son was asleep when I found out. I was wrong. As my husband and I fought in the kitchen our son sat on the steps in the foyer and heard too much. Then when he couldn’t hold his feelings anymore he came into the kitchen and told his father he hated him and asked him why he would do this to me!

The fallout continued for a couple hours as my son put together on his own all the things that seemed off that his father did in his presence. I put no words in the kids mouth. The next morning my husband cowardly ran to work leaving me in my “heap on the floor” state to deal with getting the kids off to school. As I was reassuring our oldest son that morning the best thing he could do for me was go to school and no matter what him, his brother and I would be staying in our home together a triggered memory came to him.

At a recent college football game at my husbands alma mater my son saw him sending pictures and messages while at the game to “just a college friend”. He said to me “it wasn’t a college friend was it”? I told him most likely no it was “her”. He had left out the college “ex girlfriend” and now Other Women part. Tears just gushed out of my son. His feelings of being betrayed too and how tainted his fun time that he had with his dad had become. This was such a heartbreaking moment between us.

Well last night they made plans to go see a football game again for our sons birthday coming up next month. My husband has been given two tickets but offered to buy tickets all together if I wanted to go. Our youngest has no interest so I declined to stay with him.

When we were finally alone I brought up the topic of the last game they went too. I reminded my husband that our son was deeply hurt by the fact that he carried on messaging the CW while with him and that he lied to our son about who he was messaging with. My husband briefly went into defensive mode. Saying that he doesn’t think it affected our son that much. I reminded him that he wasn’t there to witness how it affected our son since he put that on me. His demeanor changed then. I just wanted him to be aware our son could be triggered and he’s going to be the one to have to deal with it. The lovely ripple effect of infidelity.

I then told my husband personally I was triggered into wanting him not to go back ever to his alma mater because I fear the memories that he and the CW share could trigger him into wanting her again. He snapped at me before I finished my thought that “fine they won’t go”. I told him let me finish!!! Listen to me!!! I want you to go I said. It’s irrational for me to demand this from you. It’s just my fears talking. I mean it too. I want him to make a new memory with our son.

I let him sit in his sadness for a bit. He needs too. Then I hugged him because I didn’t want this conversation to divide us. I want these convos to help connect us. If I want us to move forward and be the great teammates we once were in life again I need to be the one that reaches out after hard conversations. I excel in this area where he gets lost in what to do. At this point I’m willing to do this and not resent him for it either. A bit of growth on my part I guess.

I wish my son didn’t know about my husbands affair. I wish I could of shielded him from all the pain. I failed that night in November 2017 but, I don’t know if I could of done it any differently in that moment. I don’t shoulder all the responsibility either. My husband and the CW put us on this path. They deserve most of the blame. It was from this night on my hatred towards her grew and grew. She helped hurt my KID!!!!!

The ripple affects of infidelity suck! Especially when it affects your kids.

LTI

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