Yesterday I found out through my 15 year old sons Snapchat account he was being accused of cheating on his girlfriend. He was declaring his innocence on Snapchat and asking for the rumor mongers to talk to him and not harass his girlfriend.
I really hate Snapchat for other reasons.
I was instantly triggered by the accusation that my son is like his father, but I shut that thought process down. I knew I needed to hear what was going on from my son before I made a harsh judgment like that.
My 15 year old son found out on Dday2 that his dad was cheating on me. Oldest Son.
I showed my husband before dinner the Snapchat posts. He didn’t seem to concerned. He was just like “there teenagers, what could he possibly have done that bad”. Well that didn’t go over well with me and I told my husband so. Hurt feelings are hurt feelings even though they aren’t adults. Guilty or not the accusation and fall out of it was going on on his life.
After dinner my husband talked to our son after I had told him I wanted to handle things. I started to ease drop on the convo, but then decided not to be that person. When my husband left the room I laid down next to my son in his bed. I calmly asked what was going on.
As my son explained his side of story, it seems something he did this past summer at the beach with a friend is coming back to bite him the butt. I took the time to explain to my son not put himself in compromising positions as much as possible. I don’t necessarily think my son cheated, but I can see how the rumor mill on social media got started. His single best friend and him were hanging out talking to girls on the boardwalk and then taking pictures of themselves on the beach in the lifeguard stands. He’s all about his glamour shots for social media. I sort of remember talking about this when they got back to the beach house that night.
This issue between his girlfriend and him had come up before and for some reason the issue came back up again. My son was quite impressed with my detective skills as we talked about how and who might talking about this situation. ￼I connected the dots for him. His girlfriend refuses to give up her source.
I explained to him the best thing he could do was remain calm and keep their issues off of social media. I also reminded him again how easily things can get misconstrued on social media too. That all his followers aren’t necessary.
We talked about the consequences of cheating. I talked briefly about how it made me feel. My son declared he never would cheat because he saw what it did to me. We talked about how it’s better to break up first if you think you might be interested in someone else. Leave the person your dating with their dignity intact.
We really bonded last night. I think he really heard me and maybe has a better understanding of what I went through. He still is far from knowing all of what happened between his dad and I.
In the end his girlfriends mother pushed her into deciding to take a break from the relationship. They can still talk all the time, but she’s only allowing them to hangout in friend groups. I don’t know, they are dealing with real trust issues now. They have been dating for over a year and I always thought it was to young for my son to have a steady girlfriend. I will say he still spends a good amount of time with his friends though.
I’m not one of those Moms that think their kids are perfect and never do anything wrong. So I’m choosing not to get into the middle of their relationship at this point.
As I reflect on last night today I really realize how far I’ve come in healing. I stayed calm, rational and loving with son while talking about a topic that is so touchy for me. I was the mother he deserved to have by his side.