It’s been awhile since my last blog and I’ve had some personal things happen that have made me reflect on how far I have come in my journey of living through infidelity.
Two weeks ago my therapist told me he was leaving the counseling practice that is close to me in March. He will be working now solely in his personal practice an hour away. Initially it brought tears to my eyes and panic. I was given options for moving forward. Drive an hour, he would help me find a new therapist or virtual sessions. Or I thought to myself just stop therapy. I knew for sure I didn’t want a new therapist. The thought of retelling my story for a bunch of sessions is not something I want to do.
I thought about it for the last two weeks and I’ve realized how much stronger I actually am. I have my depression and anxiety under control again for the most part. All the therapy work has paid off. I had another therapy session today and after talking things over we have agreed to do virtual sessions, but I’d like to do them further apart in monthly check ins or as needed. It’s time for this butterfly to really fly again. I’m ready.
Last week I got some news that for a second time test results for myself came back unsatisfactory. I will now need to get a more invasive procedure done to figure out if there is anything to worry about. I freaked out for about 30 minutes. My mind went to Cancer. The fact that my Dad died from it and my Mom is battling it now. I was also on google to much looking at possible outcomes. Always a bad choice. My husband was upset to so that added to my freak out.
The next morning without hesitation I made all my appointments. My anxiety hasn’t taken over either. Reminding myself it’s unsatisfactory not abnormal helps me stay mindful of this situation.
Not to long ago both of these issue would of sent me into an anxiety tail spin. I’m so glad I’m back!!!!
Yep I’m officially declaring after 869 days since Dday1 I found myself again. It’s a great feeling and I’ve embraced my different personality quirks I know I have now. I thought it would be some big AHA MOMENT recognizing it, but it was more hey look at how well I’m handling things.
I’m not ready to declare I’m healed though. I’m still working on that.
Now my marriage is a different story. I haven’t found my marriage again. In fact our recovery as of late has been very flat and I feel myself pulling away a bit. I’ll get into this in another blog.
Here’s to finding ourselves again after infidelity!!