I needed to wait a few days to blog about Valentine’s Day 2020 to digest what happened or rather didn’t happen.
My husband did nothing, I repeat nothing for me on Valentine’s Day. You know the second anniversary of him sleeping with the CW. I’m not even upset about the gifts part. I’m upset that he wasn’t yet again emotionally there for me. No extra I love you’s . No I know this is hard day for you acknowledgement. No grabbing me for a hug or kiss. NOTHING. Well he did go pick up our nothing extra special dinner.
When I asked him why nothing after our kids were asleep he said he heard me say I wished the day didn’t exist so that’s what he decided to do ignore the day. I guess I must of said this statement in a triggering moment. Tears followed heavy after he said this to me because that’s how I have felt a lot during affair recovery emotionally ignored. He slept on the couch. That was his present for VDAY!!
On Saturday when I calmed down I told him that it was a bullshit excuse for doing nothing for me on the anniversary of the day he put extra bullets in me after I was already dead on the ground from 3Ddays. The bullet quote came from my therapist. I told him if he really wanted me to feel like the day didn’t exist why didn’t he take our youngest to get classroom Valentine’s cards like I hinted him to do? Why didn’t he get the kids a small VDay gift for me? Why did he give the kids both cards to give to me?
I then told him, oh I know why. He didn’t know what to do so he chose to do nothing like usual and he feared me possibly rejecting poor, poor him!! Plus he didn’t want to face his guilt and shame. He came back at me with all I did was work myself up to the actual day #IHATEVALENTINESDAY #VDFU since January. He walks on egg shells worrying. No my dear that is called PTSD, trauma and anxiety. All the nice side affects of 4Ddays!!! It was totally left as an agree to disagree moment. Life had to go on with the kids on Saturday.
I couldn’t dwell to long on his epic fail. Yesterday I had to get a biopsy done since I had two unsatisfactory test results come back on routine female testing. Moments That Make YouRealize…. I am nervous. With both of my parents diagnosed with cancer I fear the C word. My Dr told me he didn’t see anything abnormal and not to worry. I’m going to try to stay as positive as I can until I go back in two weeks for my test results. Part of me also has been worried that my husband might have given me HPV from having sex with the CW. I’ve kept this thought to myself though as I don’t want to accuse him just out of fear.
Here’s to all the Valentine’s Day bull shit being gone from stores and commercials! Cheers to that!