Survived VDay

I needed to wait a few days to blog about Valentine’s Day 2020 to digest what happened or rather didn’t happen.

My husband did nothing, I repeat nothing for me on Valentine’s Day. You know the second anniversary of him sleeping with the CW. I’m not even upset about the gifts part. I’m upset that he wasn’t yet again emotionally there for me. No extra I love you’s . No I know this is hard day for you acknowledgement. No grabbing me for a hug or kiss. NOTHING. Well he did go pick up our nothing extra special dinner.

When I asked him why nothing after our kids were asleep he said he heard me say I wished the day didn’t exist so that’s what he decided to do ignore the day. I guess I must of said this statement in a triggering moment. Tears followed heavy after he said this to me because that’s how I have felt a lot during affair recovery emotionally ignored. He slept on the couch. That was his present for VDAY!!

On Saturday when I calmed down I told him that it was a bullshit excuse for doing nothing for me on the anniversary of the day he put extra bullets in me after I was already dead on the ground from 3Ddays. The bullet quote came from my therapist. I told him if he really wanted me to feel like the day didn’t exist why didn’t he take our youngest to get classroom Valentine’s cards like I hinted him to do? Why didn’t he get the kids a small VDay gift for me? Why did he give the kids both cards to give to me?

I then told him, oh I know why. He didn’t know what to do so he chose to do nothing like usual and he feared me possibly rejecting poor, poor him!! Plus he didn’t want to face his guilt and shame. He came back at me with all I did was work myself up to the actual day #IHATEVALENTINESDAY #VDFU since January. He walks on egg shells worrying. No my dear that is called PTSD, trauma and anxiety. All the nice side affects of 4Ddays!!! It was totally left as an agree to disagree moment. Life had to go on with the kids on Saturday.

I couldn’t dwell to long on his epic fail. Yesterday I had to get a biopsy done since I had two unsatisfactory test results come back on routine female testing. Moments That Make YouRealize…. I am nervous. With both of my parents diagnosed with cancer I fear the C word. My Dr told me he didn’t see anything abnormal and not to worry. I’m going to try to stay as positive as I can until I go back in two weeks for my test results. Part of me also has been worried that my husband might have given me HPV from having sex with the CW. I’ve kept this thought to myself though as I don’t want to accuse him just out of fear.

Here’s to all the Valentine’s Day bull shit being gone from stores and commercials! Cheers to that!

LTI

10 thoughts on “Survived VDay

      1. Good girl. Yes. I understand. I’m sorry it is inconclusive. Just remember that even if it is HPV that only a couple of the strains are considered high risk.

        Keeping fingers crossed for you ❤👍

        Liked by 3 people

  1. Did you ask your doctor to specifically test for hpv? There is a vaccine now. You can get it if you are under 45.

    I’m so sorry. Your husband sounds like an asshole and I cannot imagine living with someone who will never be able to have compassion or even basic kindness toward their spouse. People like this (my ex) just never change. I was ok with it when I believed he was committed to our family, but once he showed he was more interested in his own needs ended my willingness to be insignificant.

    Anyway, I hope you get yourself a present and enjoy it. You deserve so much better.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes my Dr is testing me for HPV.

      I did buy myself an expensive concert ticket to go with a fun friend. Unfortunately I have to wait 6 months until I can enjoy the concert.

      You don’t have to tell me I deserve better then his Epic Fail AHole moments. His shame, guilt and fear of rejection hold him back. I can’t fix that for him though. My eyes are wide open and if this continues in the long run we won’t work out.

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  2. They need to learn to do acts of kindness just because. My wh never understood this, it baffled him that I did it for others with nothing expected in return. But since he was raised that everything is a transaction…

    Letting go of the outcome is hard for them. And for us. I bought myself something and that was it. No card for him. Or from him. And I was fine with it. But he has started doing the random things – saw these flowers and I know they’re your fave, picking me up from work having made a dinner reservation. With no expectation. It’s taken a long time for him to see that being kind just to be kind is in itself an outcome that is very fulfilling and long lasting. He got there thru therapy. It’s mindfulness. My mindfulness comes in the form of expecting nothing and being kind to myself. And for the record I hat Valentine’s Day. I bought a big bag of Reese’s and some conversation hearts for my son and we all dug in. I really hate that day and I enjoy not celebrating it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My husband does sporadic romantic acts of kindness. I am recognizing more that he now especially on the weekends is doing the dishes or cleaning something. Trying to beat me to it. Not exactly what I’m hoping for.
      I’m glad the day is over with for this yr.

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  3. I’m sorry you had a crappy Valentine’s Day, mine sucked too !! I found out that my husband gave me hpv about three months ago, and I hate him for it !! I told him that he might have just potentially killed the mother of his children

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