A thought came to my mind the other day that I know longer really feel like a Betrayed Wife. I rather feel more like a Wife who was Betrayed. Semantics maybe?￼
I’m still part of the club I never wanted to join though.
It’s been 26 months since the last bomb went off between us. I’ve done a HUGE amount of work on myself and it’s really paying off now. I think I’ve now touched and dealt with every layer of betrayal from my pit of despair. I’ve made a form of peace with almost all of them.
My healing journey is ready to put a bunch of things in the past tense. I’m able to now speak of a future at times.
Dare I say I might of finally found forgiveness inside of me for my husband. I have struggled with what forgiveness looks and feels like. I told my husband over a year ago that he was getting a small act of forgiveness from me everyday that I’m still here with him. I think all those days have added up and I recently had my ahh ha moment. Can I say I forgive you to him though??
I will never be okay with what he did, but I accept and have made a form of peace with it. In this acceptance I acknowledge that I will still be triggered, sad and emotional at times. Trust between us is still a big work in progress. There are NO more chances for him to act out in this way again. Our “new marriage” is only chugging along slowly and my husband if you read my blog doesn’t always say or do the right things.
This hasn’t come easily for me as his “entanglement” was so hurtful. Sorry I couldn’t resist!!! I cringe at this word now.
I never thought I’d get to this side of recovery. The power of baby steps!
Here’s to Growth!
Here’s to Healing!
Here’s to Moving Forward!
Here’s to Living Again!